Okay y'all, I HAVE to get this out of my system before I implode, or explode, or something.  Most of you know the issues I'm having right now. Well, this isn't the first time he's done this shit to me.  He also did it when I went to a movie with my friend Jake several weeks ago.  And when I asked him if he trusted me, I got a rather surprising answer.  A rather resounding no.  How the FUCK am I sposed to have a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me?  I've NEVER done anything that should make him distrust me.  His reasoning... "Its a personal thing, I don't trust most women."  When I asked why, "My mom told my dad she'd quit smoking when I was younger, but she was doing it at work when he couldn't see her."  How pathetic is that?  So because she snuck a smoke at some point, I get punished?!  I really don't understand it.

Then this last weekend while I was in Colorado, apparently his little brain had far too muich time to think and make up rediculous scenarios.  I get back and the first thing he does is accuse me of having sex with Crystal.  Okay, if I was going to go for Crystal, I would have dumped him before I left!  Okay, so she and I flirt... big freaking deal!  I flirt with nearly EVERYBODY! I always have!  That's just part of who I am, I always have been, and always will be, a flirt.  Hell, a lot of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it!  Who cares?  You'd think, after almost a full year of living together and the only times we've been apart was my trip to Colorado and his to Vegas, that he'd be able to understand that if I haven't left him for someone else, I probably wont!  But if this distrust thing keeps up, then we don't really have a relationship in the first place do we?

I always thought real strong relationships were based on a foundation of trust.  I know I could never have a relationship with someone that I thought untrustworthy.  I'd drive myself crazy, being that close to someone and not knowing if they were out screwing around behind my back.  But the thing is, I've NEVER NEVER NEVER done ANYTHING to make him not trust me!  So I don't get it.

So lets just see how this unfolds, cuz guess what folks... if this keeps up and he can't trust me, I'll be moving out in a couple months.  Because all of these stupid issues all stem from him not trusting me and accusing me of stupid shit!  First Jake, now Crystal... who next?!  And I haven't even done anything!  But you know, I've always been the type, that if I'm accused of something enough, I'll make it true so at least there's a REAL reason behind it!  I know its a horrible way to be, but that's just how I am.  If you are gonna say I did something, at least make sure its something I've really done!

Let me know what you think if you want.

I love you all

Tina